Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Truths My Mother Told Me.

1. Mother told me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

2. Mother told me about RECEIVING...."You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. Mother told me to MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"

4. Mother told me LOGIC..."If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. Mother told me MEDICAL SCIENCE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. Mother told me to THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

7. Mother told me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

8. Mother told me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

9. Mother told me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

10. Mother told me about SEX.... "How do you think you got here?"

11. Mother told me about GENETICS... "You're just like your father."

12. Mother told me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

13. Mother told me about WISDOM OF AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you... Then you'll see what it's like."

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does