Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Saved?

A man called Mark was lost in the Simpson desert
He was just about at deaths door, when he hears someone calling out his name. MARK MARK MARK
Thinking he,s saved, he crawls from his campfire over to the bushes, peers into the scrub and finds its a dog with a hare lip

Lucky Old Man

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "let me tell you a story:

I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." the doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "no." The doctor continued, "the bear dropped dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "someone else must of shot the bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.