Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Vacation

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Learning a Language

Years ago, there was a famous deli in New York. The owner had a big heart and frequently hired refugees from other countries.
One day, a new patron came in and was waited on by a young man from Thailand, who conversed in perfect Yiddish. The customer was so impressed, he found the owner.
"I'm very impressed with your waiter, but where'd he learn Yiddish?" he asked the owner.
"Shhh" the owner replied. "He thinks I'm teaching him English!"

Easter Mass

Little Abe goes into Church, takes out his Tallis, takes out the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to pray.
The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services. He stands up and says "Will all non Catholics please leave."
Little Abe goes right on davening.
Next request, again "Will all non Catholics please leave." Nothing.
Finally, the Priest gets up and says "Will ALL JEWS please leave."
At this Abe gets up folds his Tallis and packs it away, takes off the Yarmulke and puts it away.
Then Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the baby Jesus and says the immortal words "Cum bubbela they don't want us here anymore."

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does