Vacation

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Learning a Language

Years ago, there was a famous deli in New York. The owner had a big heart and frequently hired refugees from other countries.
One day, a new patron came in and was waited on by a young man from Thailand, who conversed in perfect Yiddish. The customer was so impressed, he found the owner.
"I'm very impressed with your waiter, but where'd he learn Yiddish?" he asked the owner.
"Shhh" the owner replied. "He thinks I'm teaching him English!"

Easter Mass

Little Abe goes into Church, takes out his Tallis, takes out the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to pray.
The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services. He stands up and says "Will all non Catholics please leave."
Little Abe goes right on davening.
Next request, again "Will all non Catholics please leave." Nothing.
Finally, the Priest gets up and says "Will ALL JEWS please leave."
At this Abe gets up folds his Tallis and packs it away, takes off the Yarmulke and puts it away.
Then Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the baby Jesus and says the immortal words "Cum bubbela they don't want us here anymore."