Monday, May 30, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Jewish Curiosity
After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat.
At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.
On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.
Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he be going to Samvet?
He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice looking fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.
But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband.
Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name.
What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed him to change his name, he must have some special status. What could it be? A doctorate from the University.
At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you do, Dr. Kovacs?"
"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how is it that you know my name?"
At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.
On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.
Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he be going to Samvet?
He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice looking fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.
But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband.
Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name.
What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed him to change his name, he must have some special status. What could it be? A doctorate from the University.
At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you do, Dr. Kovacs?"
"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how is it that you know my name?"
Sunday, May 01, 2005
710 piece
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten thingy.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What in the world is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the part thats right in the middle of the engine, I have lost the one I had and need a new one."
She explained that she did not know what it does, but this piece had always been there and she thought she should have it replaced.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what it looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
Still confused, he then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 piece on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Right then, we were all reminded of who we were dealing with.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten thingy.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What in the world is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the part thats right in the middle of the engine, I have lost the one I had and need a new one."
She explained that she did not know what it does, but this piece had always been there and she thought she should have it replaced.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what it looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
Still confused, he then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 piece on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Right then, we were all reminded of who we were dealing with.
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