Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Warnings issued by the U.S. military

Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:

"Aim towards the enemy."
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
US Marine Corps.

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
USAF Ammo Troop.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal.

"Tracers work both ways."
US Army Ordnance.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
Infantry Journal.

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
Anon.

"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
Your comrades.

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
USAF Ammo Troop.

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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