Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

A Prayer for a Happy New Year.

May you be blessed with good neighbors who are there for you when you need them, and who are not around too much when you don't need them.

May the clothing styles of yesterday come back so you I can wear all that stuff that I don't have the heart to throw away. Let Nehru jackets, and bell bottom trousers, and slim ties, and Hawaiian prints become fashionable for men again, so that I can be in style again.

And may empire waistlines, and muumuus, and granny skirts come back for women. After all, why should those foreigners -- Armani, Gucci, Versace and Borsini dictate what we wear?

Instead may those great American Jewish designers... Poly and Ester, reign supreme, and may they bring back those wonderful stretch leisure suits, and sun bonnets and high button shoes, which are no longer seen anywhere, except maybe in Century Village.

May the expressions "you know", and "like", and "whatever" be retired.

And may those old fashioned expressions: "thank you", "pardon me", "after you", and "you look lovely", come back into use instead.

May we sing songs that are singable, that have lyrics that are understandable, and may we not have to wear ear plugs when our children play music in their rooms.

In this new year that now begins, may your hair, your teeth, your facelift and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your cholesterol and your mortgage interest rate not rise.

May the world enjoy a year that is free of hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, drought, and political speeches, which produce the most wind of all.

May you have a spouse, or a child or a friend, or a grandchild, who loves you, even though they really know you. And may you learn that giving love away freely without strings is the surest way of receiving it in return. And, in the darkest moments of this new year, and there will be some dark moments, be assured of that, in those dark moments of the year, may you remember that you are not alone, that God is with you, and that God loves you, that is why He made you just a little bit lower than the angels.

May you win the lottery, and thereby acquire a host of long lost relatives, and may you remember Beth Tikvah when you win.

May your insurance pay whatever your doctor charges, without insisting on any further investigation, and may the IRS accept whatever you pay, without insisting on any further investigation too.

May your children or your grandchildren receive a good report in school. and may you receive a good report too, from your dentist, from your ophthalmologist, from your dermatologist, from your cardiologist, from your gastro enterologist, from your podiatrist, from your urologist, and ultimately, from your God.

May there be peace this year between the Jews of Israel and the Arabs, and may there also be peace between the Jews of Israel, which sometimes seems much more difficult to achieve.

May your bank statement and your budget both balance, and may they both include generous amounts for charity.

May we discover evidence of civilized life on Mars this year, and, more important, may we discover evidence of civilized life, here on Earth.

May you receive a letter from a long lost friend, and a kiss from a long indifferent spouse or child; and may you see a smile on the face of your doorman, your mailman, and when you look in the mirror, every day.

May you feast your eyes often in this new year on green trees, on blue waters, and best of all, on the happy face of a grandchild, whom you have just embraced.

May we keep rage off of the freeways, and out of the workplace, and out of our homes, and direct it instead at racism, at poverty and at all the evils that we politely tolerate.

May we learn in this new year that what really counts the most is not the years but the days, not the machines we have in our lives, but the people we have in our lives, not how much we can accumulate but how much we can share, and with whom.

May you have enough to give you contentment, and may you have enough left over, so that you can be generous.

May the telemarketers not call you during dinner time, and instead, may you receive calls, from long lost friends, and from new ones too.
Beautiful Sunset

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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