Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING

Things to make you go hmmm …. (laugh then think!)

These laws aren’t hilarious, they will raise a smile or a small chuckle but after that they will definitely make you think.
from Wendy Vuong

1. Any given program, once deployed, is already obsolete.

2. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

5. Only ten percent of the code in any given program will ever execute.

6. Software expands to consume all available resources.

7. Any non-trivial program contains at least one error.

8 The probability of a flawless demo is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved.

9. Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will its most harmful error be discovered.

10. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

11. The effort required to correct an error increases exponentially with time.

12. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

13. Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at in months might as well have been written by someone else.

14. Inside every small program is a large program struggling to get out.

15 The sooner you start coding a program, the longer it will take.

16 A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.

17. Adding programmers to a late project makes it later.

18. A program is never less than 90% complete, and never more than 95% complete.

19. If you automate a mess, you get an automated mess.

20. Build a program that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

21 Users truly don’t know what they want in a program until they use it.

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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