Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Importance of Walking

Walking 20 minutes can add to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $7000 per month.
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My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we don't know where he is.
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I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
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I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
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I joined a health club last year,
Spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there?
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Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
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The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he?'
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If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
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I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years ...
Just getting over the hill.
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We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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AND
Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
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You could run this over to your friends,
But it's much easier to just e-mail it to them!

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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