Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

My New Car

Recently I bought a new Subaru Forrester but I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The car salesman explained that the radio was voice activated and demonstrated this brilliant feature.
"Nelson," the salesman called to the radio.
The radio then responded "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he called back and immediately the radio burst into song "On theRoad Again".
Then the salesman calls "Ray Charles," and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" immediately replaces the Willie Nelson song.
I drove away very happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd receive beautiful classical music for the afternoon.
Then I would say "Beatles," and I would hear a multitude of those great awesome songs from the 60-80's.
It was fun and even my wife even got into it too.
"Billy Joel" and up came 'The Piano Man"
"Rolling Stones" and up came "Jumpin Jack Flash" plus many other great Stone's hits.

But yesterday, I had the best experience of all.
A couple tried to run a red light and I nearly creamed my new car, but luckily I managed to swerve in time to avoid hitting them.
I immediately yelled in anger, "Arseholes!"
Guess what!
Immediately up came the ESSENDON Team Song through my speakers!!
Goddamnit, I just LOVE this new car!

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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