Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

A Sign from Gahd.

Our Rabbi had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The rabbi pleaded, got warm milk, etc., but the kitty wouldn't come down.

He decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach the kitten. He did all this, kept getting out to check, then figured if he went just a little bit farther, the tree would be bend sufficiently to reach the kitten.

But as he did so, the rope broke. Of course, the tree went Boing! and the kitten sailed through the air out of sight.

The rabbi felt very sad. He walked all over the neighborhood, asking everyone if they'd seen a little kitten. "No," was the answer. So he prayed, "G-d, I just commit this kitten to Your keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and he met a temple member. In her cart, he was amazed to see cat food, knowing she hated cats.

He asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the girl had begged again, and she finally told her, "Well, if G-d gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it."

"You can guess the rest," she told the rabbi, "I watched my little girl go out in the yard, look up to the heavens above, and ask G-d for a cat. And really, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A cat suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws spread out, and landed in front of her!"

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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