Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathered them around him.
He taught them saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they that thirst for justice.
Blessed are you when you are persecuted.
Blessed are you when you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven."
And James said "are we supposed to know this?"
And Simon Peter said "will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said "I don’t have any paper."
And Bartholomew said "do we have to spell correctly?"
And Mark said "do we have to hand this in?"
And John said "the other disciples didn’t have to learn this."
And Matthew said "may I go to the toilet?"
Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan
and inquired of Jesus:
"Where are your learning and assessment objectives?
What range of teaching strategies did you draw from?
Did you provide a differentiated provision?
Can I see a cross section of pupils work?
And Jesus wept.
These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.
- I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.I'm the Conservative Voice.I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill.
I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.
I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious).
I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..
Ignore my politics, the media does
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