Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Collected wit from Dashel Jamison

"I suppose you think I don't even know the meaning of the word "rhetorical".

"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve." (George Bernard Shaw)

"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." (Ashleigh Brilliant)

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." (Sir Richard F. Burton)

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln)

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs." (Samuel Goldwyn)

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." (Truman Capote)

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" (Isaac Asimov)

"An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." (Dan Rather)

"Crime does not pay... as well as politics." (Alfred E. Newman)

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" (La Rochefoucauld)

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain." (Mark Twain)

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." (Burt Bacharach)

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." (Eric Hoffer)

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." (Bob Hope)

"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others." (George Orwell)

"Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove." (Ashleigh Brilliant)

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." (Oscar Wilde)

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions." (Woody Allen)

"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin." (David Letterman)

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true." (Irving Caesar)

"Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of life?' or 'Socrates how can I find happiness?', did anyone ever say 'Socrates hemlock is poison.'???????" (Socrates minutes before death)

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." (Erica Jong)

"Freedom without discipline, is anarchy. Discipline without freedom is Tyranny." (Hightower)

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does