With Fond Memories to Franc Carter

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was crap but the Reception was Brilliant.

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Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

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Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."

The other one says "so are you, you fat bastard!"

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Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

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A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go there any more"