The Improved Dieter's Guide to Sex

THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent 12
Without partner's consent 187
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands. .7
Using one trembling hand 36
Using skateboard.... 3
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For normal healthy man.. 2.5
Losing erection 14
Searching for it. 115
PUTTING ON CONDOM: Despite no formal training,
With erection 1.5
Without erection. 30
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM If the woman who does it is

Experienced 6
Inexperienced. 73
If a man does it 680
Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room
ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
Italian- Man on top,woman in kitchen. 26
Russian- Woman on bottom Man getting permission 55
American- Both on top 60
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE
Bouncing. 7
Sliding around .9
Serious skidding. 12
Whiplash. 27
Lifting partner 15
Dragging partner on floor 16
ORGASM
Real. 27
Faked 160
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off 35
Expression didn't change 1/2
Orchestra swelled. 6
Birds sang
Large birds 7
Small birds. 3
Earth moved 30
PULLING OUT:
After orgasm.. 1/2
A few moments before orgasm 500
PENIS ENVY:
For woman. 3
For men 72
GUILT
orgasm comes easily 53
You're enjoying sex,despite the fact that other people are starving. .2
Sex on your lunch hour 3
Putting it on expense account. 20
AGGRAVATION
Partner visiting bathroom for 7th time 10
: Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay 14
Partner keeps showing plants 5
Partner taking phone calls .7
Partner making phone calls 40
GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse 60
By your spouse 100
Trying to explain. 55
Trying to remain calm 100
Leaping out of bed 75
Getting dressed in one motion 500
Thanking partner quickly 2