Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

CHURCH NOTICES

This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the north and south ends of the church. The children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday, at 7:00 p.m., there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers' Club. All those wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in his study.

Wednesday, at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All the ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Hooker to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken up to defray the expense of a new carpet. Will all those wishing to do something on the carpet come forward and get a piece of paper.

Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Johson will sing: "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.

The services will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belser.

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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