In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions from various international consumer products?? ...
* On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
* On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists: REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
* On a Taiwanese shampoo: USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
* On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
* On a New Zealand insect spray: THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
* In an American guide to setting up a new computer: TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
* On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins: WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
* On an American Sears hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
* On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips: *YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. * DETAILS INSIDE.(The shoplifter's special!)
* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.(Too late! You lose!)
* On a Korean kitchen knife:* WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.(As opposed to use in outer space?)
* On a Japanese food processor: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.(Now I'm curious!)
* On British Sainsbury's peanuts: WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.(Really?)
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.(I'm glad they cleared that up.)
* On a Canadian child's Superman costume: WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
* On some British frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
* On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
* On a British Boots' "Children's" Cough Medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
* On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.(Duh!)
* On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment?? ...?? )
These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.
- I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.I'm the Conservative Voice.I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill.
I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.
I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious).
I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..
Ignore my politics, the media does
- ► 2009 (53)
- ► 2008 (13)
- ► 2005 (82)
- A seminar for the Economically Challenged
- Jesus at The Pearly Gates.
- CHINESE PROVERBS
- Sheer Luck Holmes
- Ever been accused of not knowing Jack Schitt.
- What if 3 Wise Men were Women?
- Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
- THE 10 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK
- News from Heaven
- Architect Like Programmer
- The things you NEED to know.
- How to Impress
- Ethnicity of Jesus
- MANAGEMENT LESSONS
- The Bonus Question
- CONSUMER PRODUCT LABELLING
- Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
- One Liners
- If Operating Systems Were Beers...
- Last Things Said
- ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
- The Value of Time
- Why We Are All Proud To Be Australian Citizens!!
- Whose Job Is It?
- Medical Terms
- Employer's Lingo
- World's Easiest Quiz
- Jewish Buddhism.
- Deep Thoughts Jack Handey
- CHURCH NOTICES
- YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF . . .
- A Canonical List of Nun Jokes
- Alphabetised B to D of some sayings
- Making Fun of
- From the Classifieds or Headlines
- Elephant Jokes
- More Elephant Jokes
- One Small Step for a Man
- Pachydermic Personel Prediction
- Hearing Test
- TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE, BUT...
- Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of T...
- Computer Business Retreat
- You Know You are Addicted to Internet When .....
- YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS
- Top 50 Things to do in an elevator
- The Graduate
- Blonde Joke
- Strange Sex Laws
- DILBERT'S THEOREM ON SALARY
- The F Word
- ▼ May (53)