CONSUMER PRODUCT LABELLING

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions from various international consumer products?? ...

* On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

* On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists: REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

* On a Taiwanese shampoo: USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

* On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

* On a New Zealand insect spray: THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

* In an American guide to setting up a new computer: TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

* On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins: WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

* On an American Sears hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

* On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips: *YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. * DETAILS INSIDE.(The shoplifter's special!)

* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.(Too late! You lose!)

* On a Korean kitchen knife:* WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.(As opposed to use in outer space?)

* On a Japanese food processor: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.(Now I'm curious!)

* On British Sainsbury's peanuts: WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.(Really?)

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.(I'm glad they cleared that up.)

* On a Canadian child's Superman costume: WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

* On some British frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

* On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

* On a British Boots' "Children's" Cough Medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

* On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.(Duh!)

* On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment?? ...?? )