Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Whose Job Is It?

This is a story about four people. Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

In answer to the question are there any significant experiences you have had or accomplishments you have realized that have helped to define you as a person Hugh Gallagher wrote to the University of New York
"I am a dynamic figure often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations during my lunch times. Making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban Refugees. I write award winning operas. I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I am bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesday, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist. A concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost. Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish the dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week. When I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics don't apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact Origami. I have made extra ordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college"

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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