Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS

When your modem starts smoking.
If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon, for a better look at a photograph.
When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.
When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system administrator.
When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
When you order most of what you buy... online.
If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met, except through e-mail.
If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month.
When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon.
When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
If 200Mhz is simply too slow.
When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.
When you discover that in order to drive your car, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand what they say.
When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage.
When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.
If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.
If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.
If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.
If magazines like "Internet World" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl".
If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
If you use more than 20 passwords.
If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.
If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
If you can write a list like this.
If you can relate to a list like this.

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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