Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Ever been accused of not knowing Jack Schitt.

Many People are at a complete loss when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt". Now you can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O.Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O.Schitt, the owner of 'Knee-Deep N Schitt', inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious Couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Lotta Schitt, Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt.

Against his parents wishes, Dip Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout, and had a child which they called Deep Schitt.

After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt married a Mr. Sherlock and, because she had custody of the kids, she wanted to retain part of her previous name and so she became known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Fulla Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son Chick-N. Schitt. Loda Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and, consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hors Schitt.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new Italian bride: Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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