Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
Do I look like a fucking people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet !!
Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
I plead contemporary insanity.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.
- I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.I'm the Conservative Voice.I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill.
I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.
I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious).
I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..
Ignore my politics, the media does
- ► 2009 (53)
- ► 2008 (13)
- ► 2005 (82)
- A seminar for the Economically Challenged
- Jesus at The Pearly Gates.
- CHINESE PROVERBS
- Sheer Luck Holmes
- Ever been accused of not knowing Jack Schitt.
- What if 3 Wise Men were Women?
- Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
- THE 10 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK
- News from Heaven
- Architect Like Programmer
- The things you NEED to know.
- How to Impress
- Ethnicity of Jesus
- MANAGEMENT LESSONS
- The Bonus Question
- CONSUMER PRODUCT LABELLING
- Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
- One Liners
- If Operating Systems Were Beers...
- Last Things Said
- ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
- The Value of Time
- Why We Are All Proud To Be Australian Citizens!!
- Whose Job Is It?
- Medical Terms
- Employer's Lingo
- World's Easiest Quiz
- Jewish Buddhism.
- Deep Thoughts Jack Handey
- CHURCH NOTICES
- YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF . . .
- A Canonical List of Nun Jokes
- Alphabetised B to D of some sayings
- Making Fun of
- From the Classifieds or Headlines
- Elephant Jokes
- More Elephant Jokes
- One Small Step for a Man
- Pachydermic Personel Prediction
- Hearing Test
- TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE, BUT...
- Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of T...
- Computer Business Retreat
- You Know You are Addicted to Internet When .....
- YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS
- Top 50 Things to do in an elevator
- The Graduate
- Blonde Joke
- Strange Sex Laws
- DILBERT'S THEOREM ON SALARY
- The F Word
- ▼ May (53)