Translator

These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Why We Are All Proud To Be Australian Citizens!!

1) Only in Australia... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2) Only in Australia... is "you awake?" the standard concept of foreplay.

3) Only in Australia... do Supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their Panadol's etc while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4) Only in Australia... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries... and a Diet Coke.

5) Only in Australia... do banks leave both doors open, have no armed guards and chain the pens to the counter.

6) Only in Australia... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway, and store our junk in the garage.

7) Only in Australia... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8) Only in Australia... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process of Government. "Poli" (poly) in Latin meaning "many" and, "tics" meaning blood sucking creatures".

9) Only in Australia... do we live by the saying "you're never too pissed if you can still find the floor".

10) Only in Australia...Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

11) Only in Australia...Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

12) Only in Australia...Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.

13) Only in Australia...Do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...

14 Only in Australia...Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

15 Only in Australia...Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the, driveway and put useless junk in the garage.

16 Only in Australia...Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place..

17 Only in Australia...Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

18 Only in Australia...Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!


Stand proud Australia....!!!

About Me

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I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.

I'm the Conservative Voice. 

I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill. 

I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.

I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious). 

I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..

Ignore my politics, the media does 

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