1) Only in Australia... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2) Only in Australia... is "you awake?" the standard concept of foreplay.
3) Only in Australia... do Supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their Panadol's etc while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4) Only in Australia... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries... and a Diet Coke.
5) Only in Australia... do banks leave both doors open, have no armed guards and chain the pens to the counter.
6) Only in Australia... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway, and store our junk in the garage.
7) Only in Australia... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8) Only in Australia... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process of Government. "Poli" (poly) in Latin meaning "many" and, "tics" meaning blood sucking creatures".
9) Only in Australia... do we live by the saying "you're never too pissed if you can still find the floor".
10) Only in Australia...Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
11) Only in Australia...Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
12) Only in Australia...Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
13) Only in Australia...Do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
14 Only in Australia...Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
15 Only in Australia...Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the, driveway and put useless junk in the garage.
16 Only in Australia...Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place..
17 Only in Australia...Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
18 Only in Australia...Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
Stand proud Australia....!!!
These jokes are of an unknown origin. Feel free to submit corrections or add to the list. I will edit when possible, to improve the flow and correct errors.
- I'm author of History in a Year by the Conservative Voice aka History of the World in a Year by the Conservative Voice.I'm the Conservative Voice.I'm looking to make contact with those who might use my skill.
I have an m-audio mobile pre amp fed by the audiotechnica 2041sp condensor mic pack. Prior to 15/4/06, I'd used a Shure sm-58 that required a nuclear blast to register a sound or the internal mic of my aged imac, which has a penchance to recording my breathing. I also used a Griffin itrip, until the community convinced me it was not hiding my talent as well as the other mics.
I am a Writer and an occasional Math Teacher (Sir, what's the occasion?). I like to sing, having no instrumental talent (cannot even clap in time, and yes, I'm aware singing badly IS obnoxious).
I have performed the finale to Les Miserables before an audience of 500. I have also sung before a similar audience (students, parents) renditions of 'I Will' (Beatles), 'Mr Cairo' (Jon Vangelis) and 'I am Australian' (Seekers). Now I seek another profession because the audience hates me ..
Ignore my politics, the media does
- ► 2009 (53)
- ► 2008 (13)
- ► 2005 (82)
- A seminar for the Economically Challenged
- Jesus at The Pearly Gates.
- CHINESE PROVERBS
- Sheer Luck Holmes
- Ever been accused of not knowing Jack Schitt.
- What if 3 Wise Men were Women?
- Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
- THE 10 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK
- News from Heaven
- Architect Like Programmer
- The things you NEED to know.
- How to Impress
- Ethnicity of Jesus
- MANAGEMENT LESSONS
- The Bonus Question
- CONSUMER PRODUCT LABELLING
- Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
- One Liners
- If Operating Systems Were Beers...
- Last Things Said
- ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
- The Value of Time
- Why We Are All Proud To Be Australian Citizens!!
- Whose Job Is It?
- Medical Terms
- Employer's Lingo
- World's Easiest Quiz
- Jewish Buddhism.
- Deep Thoughts Jack Handey
- CHURCH NOTICES
- YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF . . .
- A Canonical List of Nun Jokes
- Alphabetised B to D of some sayings
- Making Fun of
- From the Classifieds or Headlines
- Elephant Jokes
- More Elephant Jokes
- One Small Step for a Man
- Pachydermic Personel Prediction
- Hearing Test
- TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE, BUT...
- Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of T...
- Computer Business Retreat
- You Know You are Addicted to Internet When .....
- YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS
- Top 50 Things to do in an elevator
- The Graduate
- Blonde Joke
- Strange Sex Laws
- DILBERT'S THEOREM ON SALARY
- The F Word
- ▼ May (53)